The Beat: True Stories From the Streets
Page 18 by Harry Martin Polis
Artwork by Jaynee Levy-Polis
These last weeks have been difficult for me. Brian hit a key accidentally in my computer and it stopped running. I had been designing a web page for my artwork and all my work was gone. I was in the middle of readying work for the gallery in the Canadian Rockies, and that was lost. I was studying for my re-certification exam in Therapeutic Recreation and I need to use the internet to find information in that field. I could not. The last piece of the puzzle was that my neurologist explained that I do have vasculitis, and how he knew that I did. Although I knew in my heart that that had been the case, I had not had to face it because my other doctors said I was fine. I was not. However, I also know in my heart that my vasculitis is very mild and it is controlled. The physical problems I experienced from the vasculitis are virtually controlled. They include migraines, vertigo, dizziness, exhaustion, balance problems, rashes, swallowing problems, etc. They are all controlled or challenged by the medications I have available. (Lupus grants us a cornucopia of symptoms!) These weeks have been just too challenging.First, Brian tried to repair the computer. Then we took it to a computer shop near our house. They really could not fix it and in addition, gave us some totally untrue worthless advice. Then we carted the computer back to Aaron, the boy who put it together in the first place. It took another week, but Aaron was able to put it together somewhat. Yesterday, Brian finally put on the finishing touches and got it completely working. Today, our Internet server is down.
Computer Down by Jaynee Levy-Polis
During the time our computer was out, Brian allowed me to study and send and receive e-mail on his computer. I found that my previous occupation—as a Recreation Therapist—had drastically changed. I wanted to maintain my certification in case I want to return to that field. This afternoon, I took the test. It was very difficult. I am glad it is over and glad to be sitting typing on this computer.
Tomorrow is Mother’s Day. For me, my gift to myself will be the lack of pressure and the freedom to attend to my own recreation. Some weeks are just much harder than others are.
Copyright 1999 by Harry Martin Polis and Jaynee Levy-Polis
Lately, I have been reading a lot of
spiritual books. I have always believed in God. Had I chosen
another profession, I might have been a Rabbi. I have been reading
that if we use our lives well and learn to love and be good to other people,
we can go to heaven and progress to the next level. I do not want
to live this life again. I would like to learn the lessons I need
and go on to the next place. I would like to spend a lot of time
with my father (in heaven). I can see us, just he and I, sitting
and fishing. I would also be with all my loved ones back to the beginning
of my family tree.
I would write poetry, cook, and learn
all I could, and still live in the loving embrace of my God. I could
feel the joy of our eternal love and know all that I do not understand.
I would learn the secrets of the universe. How things work, the physics
of our earth, and what we really are, would all be clear to me. I
have so many questions to ask the Lord. I want to know about all
the troubles we have here. Why, What, When and where for everything
I know I will be questioned about my
behavior. I hope I score in the affirmative. I foresee that
I will be called to account for my actions that were not so right.
I will have to face the repercussions. If I am worthy, I will be
in a state of eternal bliss, and far removed from the pain of life.
As a believer, my heart is full of joy and love for God and the universe.
Someday, we all shall return home. Hopefully, we will feel the love
that has dissipated from the Earth to which our feet are attached.
I look forward to the peace and learning, and I hope I can earn my place
up there with good works down here. Perhaps these ideas are a natural
consequence of aging. Growing older does make people reflective.
The challenge is to not only want it, but to be able to live it.
That is where prayer comes into play. I wish we could all work toward
that worthy goal. This world would be a better place and heaven would
be a lot more crowded.